Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It's probably happened to all of us -- you sit down to a lovely Thanksgiving dinner and suddenly: BAM! Your tipsy/crazy aunt/uncle/cousin/grandma/grandpa is bringing up politics -- and a small scale red/blue/purple state civil war breaks out in your dining room.
You don't need that! It's Thanksgiving, a day for coming together (much like the pilgrims and the indians...oh...right).
Here is a list of facts and perspectives you can use to douse the flames:
On the transition front, the President Elect chose an economic team headed up by former New York Fed Chair Timothy Geithner
Liberal: Geithner has had first hand, in depth experience with the financial crisis. He has been at the ground level of how the Fed handled Bear Stearns, Lehman, AIG, Citi, etc. As a result, he's knows his stuff and can help navigate the nation through the crisis.
Conservative: See above. Geithner was in the room for all of this mess. He has orchestrated these rescues (which some call "disasters" for the tax payers) -- we don't need someone whose lack of oversight allowed this mess taking charge of cleaning it up.
Happy medium: Yes, it was Geithner, in the Fed Building, with the bailout plan! All dumb Clue references aside (though if you've had enough wine that exclamation may just take care of the tension in the room for you), both sides do agree that Geithner has been an integral part of the financial meltdown thus far. What is yet to be seen is whether his new role will embolden him to take his views on oversight and regulation further, or whether he will continue to be part of the enabling "rescue happy" strategy seen thus far. The key words to highlight are: THUS FAR. Just like claiming Obama is already a fantastic/abysmal president is premature, so is condemning Geithner as the worst thing for the economics of this country since CDS's.
Sarah Palin is still in the public eye, thanks to an incident that did not work out so well for the turkey she pardoned
Liberal: Oh that Palin, killing animals for PR. That woman is a mastermind at keeping herself front and center. How many more animals will need to die between now and November 2012?!
Conservative: Sarah is a home town gal, genuine gal. So there was a turkey being slaughtered (technical term) in the background? Newsflash: that bird your eating (tofurkey excluded) suffered the same exact fate. She let that reality out of the bag, whatever. If you can't deal, stick to stuffing.
Happy Medium: **Defensiveness Alert** Be forwarned, Sarah Palin brings out extreme levels of defensiveness from many conservatives. **Outrage Alert** Be forwarned, Sarah Palin brings up extreme levels of outrage from liberals. If Sarah makes an appearance in your T-day conversation, the best possible way to tame cacophony is to remark that: Palin or no Palin, yes, people should recognize that their food comes from animals -- however, perhaps the manner in which that reality was brought forth was less than respectful. It is then appropriate to remark upon how delicious the turkey you're consuming is.
The Big Three came to Washington, DC in their private planes to ask for our tax money
Liberal: This is the executives' fault! Who flies in a private plane to ask for government money, seriously, who?!?! Oh, wait, about 2 million jobs will disappear? I hope those clowns come back with a real plan like Congress asked for.
Conservatives: This is the plant workers' fault! The freaking labor unions are out of control, hence the failure of the auto industry -- get the $70/hour wages under control. Also, seriously, with the planes?
Happy Medium: First, executives fly in private planes for security reasons among other reasons I've noted before. Second, the $70/hour wage figure is misleading, it was calculated by: adding up GM's total labor, health, and pension costs, and then dividing by the total number of hours worked. In other words, it includes all the healthcare and retirement costs of retired workers (from Portfolio). The average wage is actually $28/hour (again from Portfolio). How to calm the storm? Suggest that everyone wait to see what the three CEO's come up with -- if they can formulate a plan that satisfies law makers, great.
Georgia, Minnesota, Zimbabwe, Jeremiah Wright, Hillary Clinton, Obama's religion, or, god forbid, Bill Ayers.
If any of those issues come up, there is only one way to derail the impending melee: A diversion.
I suggest:
Pretending to choke on your turkey
"Accidentally" dumping part of your plate on the ground for the dog
Getting up to use the bathroom and taking the table cloth with you
"Dozing off" and snoring loudly thanks to all the tryptophan
Diverting the conversation to whether Britney's comeback can last
Commenting on how lovely the freakish floats/balloons in the parade were
Mentioning that print is dead
Or that old standby: Football
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
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